Who doesn't know the saying "Aging like fine wine," to describe something that improves in quality over time? Equally well known is the opposite saying "Aging like milk," to describe how the quality or attractiveness of something decreases over time. The societal perception of sexuality is more akin to the latter. Older people are hardly perceived as sexual beings, and young people think they have figured out the game. But is that really true?
Longer, Harder, Faster - or just different?
If asked when people have their sexual peak, most would probably say their twenties. Life consists of superlatives, one is quick and agile, curious about the world. Sex almost happens by itself, one is enduring and tries new positions and practices effortlessly. That's all good and fun and enjoyable. But that doesn't mean that these are the sexual highlights in life.
Priorities change as one ages. Not only in life and daily routine but also in bed. The body changes, that is a fact. It is a privilege to age and to explore one's sexuality anew. Most people become calmer with age, enjoying the moment and the little things in life. The same can be true in bed. The goal is not to set new records but to savor and enjoy the intimate moments together. And who can say no to that?
A great advantage that only shows up with advancing age is the knowledge of one's body. Those who have been accumulating intimate experiences for 20, 30, 40 years know, at best, what they are doing when it comes to the nitty-gritty. Almost according to the motto "Quality before quantity."
Frequency of sex in heterosexual contexts in Germany by age and gender in 2019
Our gut feeling has not been deceived: people in their twenties and thirties have the most sex. But another factor is striking here: the discrepancy between men and women.
Sex for Women after 50 - Needs vs. Possibilities
Insights into the sexuality of women over 50 can be found, for example, in the Sex Report by Hims & Hers, in which different sex myths were debunked. Among other things, the assumption that women lose interest in sex as they age was examined.
The results show that as women age, they encounter a kind of sexual glass ceiling. The majority of men enjoy an active sex life well into middle age, while women's sex lives slow down significantly ... but not by choice. While women under 45 report having about as much sex as men, the sexual gap between women and men dramatically widens with age. But before dismissing this as menopause or women's lack of libido, it is better to take a closer look. According to the study, 80% of women over 45 who are not having sex are not happy about it, and a previous (not representative) study conducted on Facebook found that 40% of middle-aged women want more sex.
"The idea that women have low libido and men have high libido is absurd. There are many postmenopausal women with very high libidos who love sex and have great orgasms. And I have many male patients with very low libido who wish they had a higher libido for their partners."
Dr. Rachel Rubin, Urologist and Sexual Medicine Specialist
It should also be emphasized that menopause or loss of sexual desire in women with increasing age is not the problem. Everything indicates that women do not lose their sexual desire as they age - and yet they do not have as much sex as men.
Erectile dysfunction at 50 - Overcoming shame
Turning 50 may feel like a deadline for some. While some experience it earlier or later, it is highly likely that all men will experience a decrease in their ability to achieve and maintain an erection. The penis may not stay erect as long as before, it may be less hard sometimes or constantly, and the erection may even disappear completely despite being aroused. Understandably, this can be scary.
Potency problems remain a shameful topic. The close association of strong potency with one's own sense of masculinity can gnaw at many affected individuals. The resulting insecurity worsens the already existing erection problems and prevents the necessary relaxation. And even when it does work again, the vicious cycle starts anew: at first, one is again goal-oriented, focused on the erection, and it works! Only to have it collapse in the next moment because performance pressure takes over. What to do?
To break free from this vicious cycle, the tried and true mantra is the only solution: Communication is key. And something else: Distance from shame. Shame can be dissolved best by normalization and intensive examination. So talk to each other. With your partner, with close friends, and with your urologist. In some cases, it simply takes a little patience, while in others, a holistic therapy may be helpful.
However, what is important in any case is patience. Experiment, figure out how your arousal comes and goes, and adjust your lovemaking accordingly. If you want, you can also try medicinal aids. But it cannot be argued away: the risk of erectile dysfunction increases with age. Therefore, we recommend patience, a spirit of experimentation, an active lifestyle, and regular appointments with your trusted urologist.
